Last week I learned about letting go.
If you’re following me on Facebook, you may have read about my ‘meltdown Monday’.
I blamed my meltdown on the stranger, but upon reflection, I blame it on my tendency to hold back and suppress my feelings. I lean towards staying strong and having faith and keeping doubt and fear out of my mind, when all the while, I’ve been needing to let go.
The truth is, I have been extremely fearful and doubtful and unsure; combined with a lack of confidence and the inability to reach out and ask for help or just talk to somebody. I mean, who wants to burden people with their problems and what people in my life want to hear my problems, especially the same old problems I always complain about?
What’s the problem? I have come to a crossroads with my business where I am no longer built to operate where I always have, but it’s now time to leap to the next level and I’ve been standing at the edge of the cliff, looking over to the other side and feeling helpless. Living with only the thoughts and ideas of crossing over and what it will be like, while my feelings of not being enough or not being worthy were running amuck inside of me.
You ever been wound up so tight, you didn’t know it? I’ve been holding it together on my own for so long and this stranger came along and ‘loosed’ me. When he started to probe and pry and I had no answers. I was up against the wall and I needed to come to that realization. I needed to admit that I don’t know what happens next and I’m completely terrified. It was just what I needed to open up the flood gates and let everything go.
By the end of this conversation with the stranger, I was so angry I cried, cried and cried. I found a safe place to open up and let go some more with some friends. I hung up with them and found the beginning of peace, but there is still some journeying to do before I can fully embrace it.
This entire experience taught me a few things about myself that I suspect many of you go through:
- We’re humans. This means we are supposed to feel fear and doubt when we are faced with fearful and doubtful situations and we’re also supposed to let them out instead of suppressing it. You ever try to hold a ball under water and when you let go it pops up? Same thing, except, don’t hold the ball under, let it float where it may go.
- We’re not alone. Let’s get out of our head and our feelings long enough to let others in. Several people in our circle are going through or have gone through the same or a similar situation and someone with a clearer head can always give us a fresh perspective. Many of you know that my relationship with God is everything to me and I often lean on Him and His Word for comfort, but I understand now that God created us to have relationships with others and to learn how to turn to others in our time of need. And it’s not only for our benefit, but it gives others an opportunity to give a helping hand and be a blessing.
- Don’t shoot the stranger. Although I was upset and stopped talking to the stranger, I realize, he didn’t know me well enough to understand what I was dealing with and he didn’t deserve to take full responsibility for my meltdown. In the end I was grateful that he brought me to that point so I could see clearly and move forward. Whenever we get emotional and we’re caught up in our feelings, it’s easy to blame others and point fingers, but often times, we need to take responsibility for the part we play in our own mess and those who provoke us are just an accessory to the fact. UPDATE: By the end of the week, the stranger apologized and we’re continuing to build a friendship. UPDATE: A couple weeks after that, we’re not talking anymore. No time for 3 strikes.
So that was my week, what about you? What have you been holding onto that you need to let go of? I promise you’re in a safe space and I would be grateful to be able to provide you some insight.